One of the things Oldtimers tell Newcomers is to “remember your last drunk. Remember that last high. “ They caution you to never forget it. I think I know why. It’s like waking up to the good intentions of the previous night. And hearing that terrified voice in your head that says “Well, it wasn’t really that bad “ followed by the relief that you don’t need to quit today. Alcoholics and addicts have selective memories; we tend to romance the drink and forget the paranoia and self loathing that inevitably come from “just one more.”
Addiction colored pencil on paper
A drug addict using art therapy, M. drew this picture. It is a drawing of a “powerless and unmanageable” life. And a very good drawing of bottoming out. Oldtimers will tell M. to keep this drawing around to remind himself what active addiction is really like. Trapped in a pill bottle with a ball & chain around the ankle. While all hell breaks loose. Kenny Chesney and Grace Potter sing a haunting duet about addiction that’s on the radio now. “You and Tequila”. It was written by Deana Carter. “Runs like poison in my blood. One more night will kill me baby; one is one too many, one more is never enough.” That’s a First step. When you admit that you CAN’T NOT DO IT you are taking a first step. When you seek treatment you are taking a first step. Life outside the pill bottle looks way better.